Girls´ league - 1st chapter

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Autor: runninggirl
Datum přidání: 25.05.2019
Zobrazeno: 186 krát
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Informace:
So the first chapter comes now. I´d love to know your oppinion.
Btw. Do you think more people would read it, if I´ll translate it in Czech?

A sample: She just wanted to sit down, take a deep breath and keep playing that "cool kid" role she assigned herself. After a minute of silent glaring at the teacher he finally said: "So guys, do you have any questions for Miss Michelakis?" Tea stopped all potential issues by the deadly look on her face. "If that´s the case, you can take your seat now. And be careful about the bags on the floor." He said and pointed to the chair in the back row near the window.


Školní život
Sport
Slice of life (Ze života)

Never wanted to do that, but once the time comes you have to do that as fast as possible.

"So, my name is Tea B. Michelakis. I'm from the Czech Republic. I'm 16 years old and I'm here as an exchange student for a year." the girl said without a single hint of excitement. She fixed her glasses and run her hand through her jet black hair, so black so in a sun light you could see blue accents in it. She felt clearly uncomfortable in the tight school uniform and short skirt. "The best way, how to start a new life." she murmured as all her new classmates were scanning her with their eyes. "Have you never seen a European?" she sight so no one would hear her. She was quite sceptical about the kids, she was quite sure that most of them doesn't even understand English. She sent a pleading look to the homeroom teacher just waiting for a permission to take a seat. The teacher was coming through some papers on his desk as if he´d forgotten about Tea or maybe he was waiting for her to say a bit more. Tea was quite used to and a bit ready to receive a lot of attention, but right now, there were too many things bothering her including the fact that she was still using crutches to move around. She just wanted to sit down, take a deep breath and keep playing that "cool kid" role she assigned herself. After a minute of silent glaring at the teacher he finally said: "So guys, do you have any questions for Miss Michelakis?" Tea stopped all potential issues by the deadly look on her face. "If that´s the case, you can take your seat now. And be careful about the bags on the floor." He said and pointed to the chair in the back row near the window. She just rolled her eyes. The note wasn´t really necessary. Once she got to her place she put her crutches to the aisle and turned off the world as the teacher started talking Japanese and she didn´t really have a need to listen to it. 

"Uhm, hi, Miss Michelakis. Miss Michelakis?" Tea´s thoughts were pulled apart by an unknown broken English. 
"Huh, hey?" she replied. She rubbed her eyes setting her glasses. 
"My name is Takishima Haruka is pleasure to meet you. Well, it´s a lunch break now and my friends and I were wondering if you would want to eat your lunch with us." a small girl with dark hair and dark eyes was standing next to her desk with a huge blush on her face. Her accent was kind of funny and her voice was a very high pitch. Tea waited with her answer for a bit. Wasn´t expecting that someone would want to socialize with her after the way how she introduced herself. She decided to keep the role and replied with a cold voice and her fluent English, almost as if she would want to embarrass the other girl.
"I really appreciated your offer, but I´ll be better on my own." 
The other girl frowned a bit then she bowed slightly and run away without any other word. Tea was quite grateful that she woke her up so she could eat her lunch. She unpacked her lunch box and started eating the meal her host granny prepared for her. She lived with an elderly couple whose kids were already adult having their own children. They were very nice to her, the only problem was the language barrier. As neither one of them could speak English at all. But she still managed to get by somehow with just a body language. 
No one was trying to approach her that day anymore and she was thankful for that. She needed some time for herself and that was the main reason why she left home. 
She was trying to keep the people away with all the insolence she had. Didn´t ever hesitate to insult anyone. 

Once the weekend came Tea was alerted that one of her host grandparents' kid's family is going to pay them a visit on Sunday. Tea was a bit anxious about it as she was afraid of their questions. She wasn't ever scared of Mrs. Suki, or Suki-baa-san, as she was told to call her, or Mr. Kemmei, whom she was told to refer as Kemmei-jii-san, because they weren't curious about her life back in the Czech Republic, or if they were, they wasn't able to ask her. On the other hand she was quite excited, because she haven't had a proper talk with a real person for quite a lot of time. She hoped some of them had a decent knowledge of English. 
Tea felt a bit useless. She wanted to help the old women with preparing lunch, but as her leg still wasn't healed she couldn’t even set the table. Lately she didn't know what to do. She was brought up as an athlete so when she was bored she would usually go out to play with a ball or just go jogging. She spent a lot of time watching Mrs. Suki doing housework or she read in the living room. She couldn't wait for her leg to heal finally. 
On the Sunday Tea was trying to be useful by finding some aesthetic way how to fold a serviette for the prepared family dinner. As she was sitting by the table playing with the napkins the doorbell rang. She leaped from the chair rushing to her room, as fast as her crutches were able to go,  because she just remembered, that she forgot to change in some more formal clothes. 

Pathetic.


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26.07.2019
The way you describe you story, are sure better than prologue. Some sentences are written like by a pro, some few sound like a new baby english. (No offense, just a joke) Make sure your story is balanced and has one time (present, past, future?), also make it balanced with your adjectives. Your beginning is nicely presented and written, however later on it gets less detailed.(Keep an eye on that!) And yes I think more people would read it if you wrote it in Czech, since this website is specially made for Czech and Slovak people, but you´ll really have to battle with the words, because to impress us, you need a magical writting skills! xD